Tuesday, July 1, 2008

CHAINSAW MAID

CHAINSAW MAID
チェーンソー・メイド

Behold! A disgustingly awesome mish-mash of Davey and Goliath meets Sam Raimi's Dead Alive (Braindead for those of you in-the-know). This clay-based stop-motion animated short hails to us from The Land of The Rising Sun where the food is great, the women are hot, and the geeks are apparently insane...

Posted by Brandon Fincher at 4:42 PM 3 comments

BLACK DEVIL DOLL



The Infamous Assholes at Rotten Cotton have finally tossed their salads hats into the filthy ring of exploitation cinema with a sleazy little number called BLACK DEVIL DOLL.

If you're a fan of ridiculous raunch and gruesome gore then this trailer should pique your interest give you a boner.

Posted by Brandon Fincher at 1:08 PM 2 comments

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Apple Flavored Chiptunes


So I bought an iMac recently. After struggling with a geriatric PC for far too long, I finally decided to take the plunge. It was a storybook tale of love at first sight. Boy gets a new job, boy learns the finer points of OS X, boy falls head over heels in digital love. I renounced all of my affiliations with Billy Boy, jumped ship and after drinking in the heady aroma of that Cupertino Kool-aid (OH YEAH!), I found myself glassy-eyed and stumbling into the open arms of Steve Jobs whereupon I was welcomed with the king of all svelte gadgetry, the Macintosh computer.

OS preferences aside, the acquisition of a new computer has inspired me to become more electronically active. This revelation, paired with the fact that I used to fancy myself an aspiring musician, has resulted in copious amounts of spare time spent sifting over all manner of geek-centric web locales in search for tools that will (hopefully) transform me into a Microchip Maestro.

While this newfound enthusiasm would've likely come to me regardless of my choice in platforms, I must say that it was Apple's magical application Garageband that kick-started this latest craze. Incredibly easy to use, I dabbled a bit with the program, mostly dumping loop tracks together for kicks, but took a break from it when I learned that Logic was the "real musicians" program of choice. Until I can get my hands on the 50 or so GBs of programs and plugins needed to truely get everything out of the app, I've begun looking elsewhere for my musical fix.

Being a child of the 80's, I was weaned from the teet, like so many others, on the beeps and bloops emanating from my Nintendo Entertainment System. Ingrained into the porous walls of my brain pan, these quirky cuts would act as a soundtrack through the formative years of my youth, instilling me with a penchant for the sweet synthesized songs of yesteryear.

Apparently I'm not the only one who grew to love the groove as it seems there's been a resurgence of young composers looking to get in touch with their musical roots. The community at large has spawned a revival of "8-bit" music, referred to by those in the know as Chiptunes. I'll spare you the details of what goes into crafting these old-school jams (something involving a bundle of wires, an old gameboy, and a manual printed on the blood-soaked flesh-parchment of young virgins), but I will share with you a handful of random links and what is quite possibly the finest thing to come out of this musical genre since Super Mario first stomped a Goomba.



8bitCollective
8bit Peoples
YMCK
Posted by Brandon Fincher at 1:36 PM 0 comments

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Spider-Man: Web of Shadows



God this looks amazing! I can honestly say I've never EVER been excited about a videogame based on a licensed property, but if this game plays half as good as it looks I'm ready to give it a go.
Posted by Brandon Fincher at 5:14 PM 0 comments

Monday, June 16, 2008

Video Nasties & More: It Came From The Top Shelf

The video store as we know it is dead. Once a thriving mecca for the devotees of cheap thrills and art house delights, it's hallowed halls have since been vacated, leaving us with nothing but the memory of walking its sacred aisles in search for that unknown gem. That and Netflix.

As a young child I was quickly pulled into the magic of the video store. Spending countless weekends sifting through mazes of action, drama, horror, fantasy and sci-fi at the likes of our local Mom & Pop (Video Plus, and to a lesser extent Video Thyme), absorbing every exploitative image that lept from those funky old boxes and into the depths of my over active imagination. Covers plastered with musclebound meatheads, half naked vixens, intergallactic warfare, and horrors from beyond the grave. God, those were great times.


Apparently I'm not the only person who thinks back to those golden days fondly. A website called Critical Condition (www.critcononline.com) has erected a gathering place for those of us hungry for a taste of nostalgia. As poorly designed as many of the covers it features, Critical Condition invites those souls brave enough to visit an opportunity to awkwardly stumble through a treasure trove of excess, giving one a glimpse of what it was like to navigate a video store in the 80's and 90's, cover by cover.

(If you prefer a more specialized type of creepy cover there's always www.itsonlyamovie.co.uk)
Posted by Brandon Fincher at 7:10 PM 0 comments

Pirate's Penance: N.W.A.


Remember when this blog used to be updated on a semi-regular basis? Ahh, the good old days...

Speaking of the "good old days", I recently grew a wild hair, you know the sort - the kind of scruff you'd sprout as a wide-eyed, untamed youth that would let you know you're really coming of age. Well, this particular hair went bad, quickly turning into an angry, Oakland Raider's cap wearin', bitch smackin', police hatin', gang bangin' hair. At first I found it manageable. A bit of pomade and a blast with the hair dryer set it straight, but it didn't last. Before I knew it, I was being forced at gun point to pull a "jack move" on the entire internet. The results? I found myself in posession of some serious contraband. N.W.A.'s Straight Outta Compton and Niggaz 4 Life (or as the cover so hilariously tried to mask it, Efil4Zaggin) as well as a few of Eazy E's off-shoot albums (Eazy-Duz-It, Eternal E, Str8 Off The Streetz of Muthaphukkin Compton) are now blaring out of my alpine and lowering the property value for blocks.

I had almost completely forgotten about how good N.W.A. was. Having listened to these albums on cassette tape a couple of years after they had made their big debut, I knew I was playing with fire. The folks didn't care for the heavy metal I was into, but when it came to a darker shade of evil, well, they were pretty vocal about it. Fortunately, as a young white kid from the rural south, I didn't really have any business listening to it, so most of my appreciation took place through a pair of deafeningly loud headphones, but the seed was sewn. I would form a healthy distrust of authority, women, and whitey that would follow me throughout my days.

As a parting gift, I leave you with the video that started it all, Straight Outta Compton.

Posted by Brandon Fincher at 10:18 AM 0 comments

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

The Lecherous Activities of A Liberty City Lunatic or How Rockstar Broke My Heavy Metal Heart


Yes, this is a Grand Theft Auto related post. No, this will not have anything to do with procuring the services of a hooker only to take her into a back alley, snuffing the spark of life from her eyes and stealing the meager wages she'd accumulated from a shameless night of backseat loving. No, this entry is going to provide me with an outlet to point out the fine choices made by the individuals responsible for compiling the soundtrack to what is likely to be the biggest console game of the year.

Let's take this station by station, shall we?

The Beat 102.7

DJ: DJ Mister Cee and The Evil Genius DJ Green Lantern
Genre: Contemporary Hip-Hop
Tracklist:

I can't say that Contemporary Hip-Hop is a personal favorite of mine, but I'd be a fool to admit that it's urban sound and the culture it's spawned don't have a place floating through the airwaves of this fair city.

Personal highlights: Fat Joe "Crackhouse" and Nas "War Is Necessary"


The Classics 104.1

DJ: Mixed by DJ Premier
Genre: Old school hip hop
Tracklist:

I definitely find a bit more enjoyment in the older beats and rhyme structure of the originators of hip hop, so despite the fact that two stations featuring rap music seems a little bit like overkill, I can definitely get behind the inclusion of this one.

Personal highlights: MC Lyte "Cha Cha Cha" and Gang Starr "Who's Gonna Take The Weight"

Electro-Choc

DJ: François K
Genre: Modern Electro/Dance Rock
Tracklist:

I'd only heard of two of these groups before playing this game, so I'm going lump this into the category of "music Brandon doesn't care about" until I've had some time to get sick of hearing the actual music I like.

Personal Highlights: The only three bands on this list I've ever heard were Killing Joke and Nitzer Ebb, but I couldn't point one out over the other.

Fusion FM

DJ: Roy Ayers
Genre: Funk/Jazz-Fusion
Tracklist:

This one gets my vote for second-most unexpected genre for them to include in a GTA game. Granted, I think they probably could've gotten away with mixing Fusion FM with JNR (though I know Jazz purists would likely lynch me for such a claim).

Personal Highlight: Grover Washington Jr.'s "Knucklehead"

IF99 - International Funk

DJ: Femi Kuti
Genre: Funk & Afrobeat
Tracklist:

IF99 does a great job of bringing that mult-cultural vibe that New York is famous for to Liberty City.

Personal Highlight: so far it's got to be Fela Kuti's "Zombie". That song cooks!

JNR - Jazz Nation Radio 108.5

DJ: Roy Haynes
Genre: Jazz
Tracklist:

Jazz is almost as synonymous with NY as 70's Punk Rock, so seeing a station like JNR make an appearance seems like a no brainer.

Personal Highlights: Sonny Rolins' "St. Thomas" and John Coltrane's "Giant Steps"

The Journey

DJ: A computer
Genre: Ambient/Chillout
Tracklist:

Boy, this is an unusual one. I don't usually think of ambient/chillout music when I think of a series like GTA, but it's inclusion definitely adds a certain element of humor with using a computer generated voice as a DJ.

Personal Highlights: While I'm not crazy about the tracks they selected, I do like Philip Glass and Aphex Twin.

K109 The Studio

DJ: Karl Lagerfeld
Genre: Disco
Tracklist:

  • Peter Brown - "Burning Love Breakdown"
  • Tamiko Jones - "Can't Live Without Your Love"
  • Gino Soccio - "Dancer"
  • Suzy Q - "Get On Up And Do It Again"
  • Electrik Funk - "On A Journey"
  • Don Ray - "Standing In The Rain"
  • Cerrone - "Supernature"
  • Rainbow Brown - "Till You Surrender"
  • Harry Thumann - "Under Water"
  • Skatt Brothers - "Walk The Night"
Disco's dead, and I'll likely listen to this station least of all, but I'll give Rockstar credit for not dumping in The Village People, KC and The Sunshine Band or The Bee Gees.

L.C.H.C - Liberty City Hardcore

DJ: Jimmy Gestapo
Genre: Hardcore Punk
Tracklist:

Once again, Hardcore punk pretty much originated in New York, so it makes perfect sense to include this subgenre into the mix. (They did a great job including some classic NYHC into the lineup, but I can think of about a dozen other bands that should've also been included)

Personal Highlights: Bad Brain's "Right Brigade" and Underdog "Back to Back"

Liberty Rock Radio 97.8

DJ: Iggy Pop
Genre: Classic Rock
Tracklist:

This one will satisfy everyone's hankering for the track lists from Vice City (and then some). I'm really pleased to see them including some of the more obscure songs from these easily recognizable artists.

Personal Highlights: Thin Lizzy's "Jailbreak" and The Who's "The Seeker"

Massive B Soundsystem 96.9

DJ: Bobby Konders
Genre: Dancehall
Tracklist:

I'm not real hip to Reggae's little brother Dancehall and I can't testify for its validity in a modern setting, but I'd say it's an appropriate since I just played through Rastafarian Little Jacob's first couple of missions.

Radio Broker

DJ: Juliette Lewis
Genre: Alternative Rock
Tracklist:

Whoa, Juliette Lewis as a DJ in Liberty City? This mix of Alternative Rock should satisfy all the music snobs out there.

Personal Highlight: The Black Keys' "Strange Times".

San Juan Sounds

DJ: Daddy Yankee
Genre: Latin/Reggaeton
Tracklist:

Here's another weird mash-up that I imagine probably could've been condensed with another more popular genre, but what do I know. I can attest to the fact that this newfangled "Reggaeton" is a hit with the kiddies.

Tuff Gong Radio

DJ: Carl Bradshaw
Genre: Reggae/dub
Tracklist:

Hey, what do you know, a Bob Marley station! Unless my sources are wrong, it seems really strange that the popular Reggae Record label Tuff Gong couldn't find a few more of their artists to add to this lineup. I guess Bob is still the king. Jah Bless.

The Vibe 98.8

DJ: Vaughn Harper
Genre: Soul/R&B
Tracklist:

There are some seriously excellent smooth jams on this list. I cant guarantee that prolonged exposure to this station wont end up making you a better lover. You've been warned.

Personal Highlights: The Isley Brothers' "Footsteps In The Dark" and Marvin Gaye's "Inner City Blues".

Vladivostok FM

DJ: Ruslana
Genre: Eastern European music
Tracklist:

  • Gruppa Kino - "Gruppa krovi"
  • Marakesh - "Jdat"
  • Zvery - "Kvartira"
  • Seryoga - "King Ring"
  • Seryoga - "Liberty City: The Invasion"
  • Splin - "Liniya zhizni"
  • Basta - "Mama"
  • Leningrad - "Nikogo ne zhalko"
  • Ranetki - "O Tebe"
  • Dolphin - "RAP"
  • Glukoza - "Schweine"
  • Ruslana - "Wild Dances (Ukranian FM Version)"
  • Oleg Kvasha - "Zelenoglazoe Taksi (Club Remix)"

I guess I saved the best for last. I couldn't tell you the first thing about any of these artists, but I must say that the collection does a perfect job of bringing that Eastern European immigrant vibe to the game, basically giving Niko and his ilk their own spot on the dial.

That's a pretty amazing collection, right? I can honestly say that I never thought I'd be doing a drive-by while listening to the latest Black Keys single or ramming a car full of Rastafarians off the road while blaring Bad Brains (oh sweet irony). However, if you're like me and prone to saluting kindred spirits with a heartfelt horn-shaped fist then you too are probably wondering, "Hey, where the hell is V-Rock (or the more extreme, more modern Liberty City equivalent)"? Don't get me wrong, I'm no 2 dimensional music fan. I'm really impressed at the fact that I can listen to John Coltrane's "Giant Steps" while cruising around the crime soaked streets of Liberty City, but I can't help but wonder how amazing it would be to hear the brutal blasts of Necrophagist's STABWOUND while watching a rocket explode on impact with a cop car.
Posted by Brandon Fincher at 9:43 AM 1 comments

Friday, April 25, 2008

FREE WESLEY SNIPES




Wesley Snipes Gets Sentenced To Three Years
Posted by Brandon Fincher at 4:25 PM 1 comments

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Blade The Vampire Hunter vs. Uncle Sam: FIGHT!


I'm not sure if there exists a Marvel "What If?" comic featuring our favorite African-American Vampire Hunter pitted in mortal combat against our nation's unofficial mascot, the venerable, old Uncle Sam, but had said issue existed, I'd like to think it wouldn't take place in the confines of a Florida courthouse.

What are you rambling on about, you crazy bastard? Well, it turns out that Mr. New Jack City himself, actor Wesley Snipes, has decided that he's exempt from one (maybe both) of life's two certainties - Taxes (and quite possibly death). It seems as though Mr. Snipes has generated an income of $38 Million Dollars between the years of 1999 and 2004, yet not a penny of that went into the deep pockets of our nation's get out of debt fund. Apparently Snipes believes he isn't liable for the back taxes owed and plans to shoot for an acquittal when his case goes to trial on Monday in an Ocala Florida court(my old stomping grounds). Word has it that the prosecution intends to thwart Snipes' claim that Jungle Fever was the basis of his current tax situation with the IRS stating that "Just because he's Passenger 57 doesn't mean that White Men Can't Jump". When asked for a statement, Snipes rebutted with "Always Bet On Black".

All I know is that the thought of a Wesley Snipes movie where he has to take on an evil empire only to be sent to prison where he's forced to fight to stay alive sounds like my kind of flick.

(For a more indepth account on the nature of his case, check out NYTimes.com)
Posted by Brandon Fincher at 9:12 AM 0 comments

Monday, April 14, 2008

The Demented Scribblings of A Maniacal Mind

I came into work today to find that our email server had been rendered non-functioning by the gang of mischievous gremlins who live in the traditional Florida wetlands beyond our tiny office park. They're a rag-tag bunch of scamps who often seek a good time at the expense of our business, but they're a riot at office parties, so we allow them to hang around.

Unable to productively begin my morning, I proceeded to pair up with my dear friend Mr. Google to seek out the wealth of news and knowledge that our fair mistress the Internet had deemed to bestow upon me. As I pried the shiny bits of goodness from her bountiful cavern, I came up with a veritable cornucopia of sights and sounds. Most pleasing to my eyes was a charcoal illustration of a Gay Black Frankenstein from the lunatic genius of my dear friend Joseph Luster.

Awash in a sea of inspiration, I applied pen to paper and sought to create my own work of art. Being partially a result of my limited color palate and in part due to my love for videogames and horror films, I attempted to capture the likeness of one Super Mario in undead form.

It had always struck me as peculiar that the princess-saving-hero of the mushroom kingdom would consume said mushrooms as a means to aid him on his way to liberate the very same mushrooms he was devouring. Disgusting, poetic, thought provoking. I love you, you mustachioed bastard.

Posted by Brandon Fincher at 3:14 PM 1 comments

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Pirate's Penance: Amberian Dawn

I've got a confession to make. I steal share music.

I realize it may be taboo to utter such a word amongst the den of thieves community at large, but I've decided to put this sharing to good use by providing a little exposure to some of the bands I've come across in my sticky-fingered journey through the shadowy underbelly of the intarwebs.

With each new entry into Pirate's Penance I'll strive to shed some light on some of the more obscure artists I've discovered in the hopes that perhaps you'll seek them out on your own and put some funds back into their much deserved pockets.

For our inaugural voyage into these treacherous waters, I present Amberian Dawn.


Hailing from the distant shores of Finland, this operatic metal sextet has lept upon the bandwagon forged by their countrymen Nightwish in an attempt to cash in carry on the new tradition of female fronted metal acts. With a market swollen to the gills with copycats, there seems to be a band for everyone in this niche genre, yet Amberian Dawn have managed to break onto the scene by dropping a molten hot debut full of electrifying guitar work, incredibly catchy hooks, and the perfect balance of opera and melodic metal. As this sub-genre continues to find its audience, Amberian Dawn is sure to be the premier band to watch for.

But you don't have to take my word for it (thanks Levar), the proof is in the pudding. It just so happens that this pudding is jet black, covered in leather, trimmed in lace, and can rock your eardrums through 4 different octaves.

In an attempt to convince you of the power of Amberian Dawn, I leave you with two tracks from their debut album River of Tuoni.



>>>www.amberiandawn.com
>>>Amberian Dawn on Myspace
>>>Buy River of Tuoni direct!
Posted by Brandon Fincher at 9:33 PM 0 comments

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

April Fools Day (1986)




Youtube user TheShadow12345 has made available the entirety of the horribly underrated horror film April Fools Day for the viewing pleasure of the intertubes...



I've got to say this is probably one of my top five slasher flicks from the eighties and, while I totally recommend you seek out the dvd, watching it this way is better than not watching it at all...


Part 2/11
Part 3/11
Part 4/11
Part 5/11
Part 6/11
Part 7/11
Part 8/11
Part 9/11
Part 10/11
Part 11/11
Posted by Brandon Fincher at 3:33 PM 2 comments

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Lair of The Minotaur: War Metal Battle Master


Do you like the sort of carnage that can only be found at the end of a blade? Do you perhaps enjoy the sort of blood soaked mayhem that comes from armed gladiators locked in mortal combat? How about naked, undead succubi feasting on the remains of the fallen? Does all this, set to a relentlessly brutal thrash metal soundtrack stir a fire in your loins?

This might very well be the most badass thing ever uploaded to the interwebs...

CLICK NOW, IF YOU DARE!!!
Posted by Brandon Fincher at 7:01 PM 0 comments

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Pulling Agro From George "Corpsegrinder" Fisher

I guess claiming that Cannibal Corpse frontman George "Corpsegrinder" Fisher likes World of Warcraft is like saying Hitler wasn't a very nice guy...

Posted by Brandon Fincher at 10:19 AM 0 comments

Monday, March 17, 2008

To Survive War You Must Become War


Prepare yourselves for a double whammy of awesome.

UK Thrash Metallers EVILE have recently released their debut album ENTER THE GRAVE as a contending entry for the reigning crown of Thrash. I'm not super up on the genre as a whole, but I know what I like and I know that these limey headbangers sound like the second coming of Slayer and that spells awesome.

As if the merely having a chance to own this heavy metal tour de force wasn't enough, this Tuesday brings the opportunity for you and your friends to pretend you're on the cutting edge of the 80's Thrash scene all over again, as their anthem hit THRASHER is available this week on Rockband's Earache 3-pack (along with the amazing At The Gates and The Haunted).

As for the aforementioned "Double Whammy" some creative miscreant over at Youtube has taken the initiative to put some classic Rambo footage to Evile's "First Blood" (a song inspired after the Stallone movie of the same name) and the results are appropriately awesome.



Vietnam veteran
Memories of atrocity
Trained killing machine
With no place in society
Incarceration
With no justification
Of law deprived
Escape to survive

First blood
Search and destroy
A fugitive from the law
Unaware they’re hunting
A one man war

Master of combat
Rivalled by none
Silent hunter
New war begun
Violent ambush
Fierce fast attack
Fighting injustice
No turning back

To survive war
You must become war

Ex green beret
Show no remorse
Swift brutal vengeance
On a lawless force
Fearless survivor
Haunted by horrors within
Retaliation
To a war he cannot win
Posted by Brandon Fincher at 10:22 AM 0 comments

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Festive Beverage: Mickey D's Shamrock Shake

Just a reminder for those of you with a sweet tooth that McDonald's annual tribute to the legendary Irish Monk who supposedly purged his little island of all serpentine life is quickly drawing to a close. What is this delightful treat I speak of? Why it's the Shamrock Shake, that's what! As opposed to giving you a long-winded breakdown on my yearly quest for the elixir of the gods, I'll direct you to the once great X-Entertainment for Matt's tale of glory.


As for me personally, I've had one this season, and while it's usually enough to last me another 364 days, this year I thought I'd take a crack at consuming a second. Unfortunately, my second attempt at procuring one was a colossal failure, leaving me bitter and broken (which I'm inclined to take as a divine lesson of the dangers of gluttony from Ronald himself). Regardless, that doesn't mean you wont have better luck than I, but be quick, as St. Patty's day approacheth and the days between now and then will surely find your more and more hard pressed to locate a shop with any left.
Posted by Brandon Fincher at 1:57 PM 1 comments

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

China Bans Horror Movies: No More Jumping Vampires


Taken from Reuters.com

BEIJING (Reuters) - China has added ghosts, monsters and other things that go bump in the night to its list of banned video and audio content in an intensified crackdown ahead of the Beijing Olympics.

Producers have around three weeks to look through their tapes for "horror" and report it to authorities, the General Administration of Press and Publications said in a statement posted on the government Web site.

Offending content included "wronged spirits and violent ghosts, monsters, demons, and other inhuman portrayals, strange and supernatural storytelling for the sole purpose of seeking terror and horror," the administration said.

The new guidelines aim to "control and cleanse the negative effect these items have on society, and to prevent horror, violent, cruel publications from entering the market through official channels and to protect adolescents' psychological health."

The regulations suggest China, where graphic, pirated sex and horror movies are available on most street corners, is keen to step up its control of the cultural arena ahead of the Beijing Olympics in August, which are widely seen as a coming-out party for the rising political and economic power.

They come just weeks after Beijing clamped down on "vulgar" video and audio content, slapped restrictions on Internet sites and handed down a two-year film-making ban to the team behind the steamy "Lost in Beijing."


It's official: China is the single most backwards nation in the world. Just when you thought America couldn't get any worse, those commie bastards in the east go and remind you why it's still good to be an American.
Posted by Brandon Fincher at 10:40 AM 1 comments
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)